Well, I got some news

I got some news from the doctor.

My doctor and the pathologists have determined that I did not have a molar pregnancy. There were some chromosomal abnormalities that initially pointed that direction but after further more careful testing they determined it was not molar.

This is great news. 

My doctor still wants to proceed with caution. I am thankful she cares enough to do so. I will have another blood test tomorrow to make sure my pregnancy levels are still dropping. Once my level is below 10 (and we are hopeful it will be tomorrow) I will go for monthly tests for the next 6 months. If every month my level stays below 10 I will be released from this nightmare portion of life and free to try again.

We are thankful for your prayers and faithful encouragement. It is still (and I'm sure will be) a daily struggle.

Do you want to know something? Did you know that at my doctor's office when you have a baby you are billed for the delivery. In that bill are all the doctors visits and tests and what not. So, you pay one lump sum for the pregnancy.
Currently, I am receiving daily EOB's from our insurance company because when you lose a baby they go back and charge you for every office visit. So, every single day for the past week I have been given a daily visual reminder that I don't get a baby.

It totally stinks and there isn't a thing I can do about it. 

I will leave with a request. Actually, 3 of them.
1. Will you pray that my tests get and stay below 10. I really am ready to move on.
2. Will you pray for me as I deal with the mail each day? I did okay today, but yesterday was a magic meltdown kind of night.
3. Will you pray for protection for me on social media? I have a lot of pregnant friends. I have 4 that are due around our due date. It is hard. I don't want to shut down my facebook, or avoid it, or not talk to people or whatever - but I need protection. Maybe that those posts won't pop up on my newsfeed or something? I'm trying very hard to stay upbeat, but the honest truth is I downward spiral on every baby post. It's hard. I know many of you have walked that walk.

I ordered a necklace the afternoon of my D&C day. It finally came and I've been able to wear it.  I want to share it with you.

Holding Pattern

I'm sorry I haven't given an update - there's not too much to report. I heard from the doctor last week. My blood test showed that my levels had dropped dramatically - which is great. I had to have an ultrasound anyway because of my bleeding. I didn't hear anything back about the ultrasound so I'm assuming everything was okay. This is all great - at this point it means I won't need another D&C. Yay.

The doctor also informed me that more of the pathology report is back and now pathology isn't sure if I had a molar pregnancy. This could be excellent news, but it's not definite.

So, currently I am waiting for my doctor to meet with pathology to determine if indeed I had a molar pregnancy. I'm currently still being treated as if I did, so I have another blood test today. If they decide I did not have a molar pregnancy then we would be allowed to start trying for another baby, I won't have to worry about cancer from the pregnancy, I will be released from the weekly/monthly blood draws, and basically everything will be back to normal.

So, I'm waiting. Trying not to get my hopes up.

You know what else? I'm still pretty sad. I feel like the molar pregnancy took our focus elsewhere but the fact of the matter is we still lost a baby and that is still sad.

So there is the update. I will let you know when I know! Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement.

In the meantime, this little Jem (see what I did there?!?) has been a snuggle bunny the last few days and it's been just what I need!

Another Update

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us last week during surgery and recovery. It was a long slow week, but I seem to be starting to feel more like myself again. However, our situation is not over yet. 

Last Friday the doctor called to tell me that part of the pathology report was back and that I had a partial molar pregnancy. This is rare and complicated and I don't want to to get in to it - you can look it up if you really want to know. You should know this though, it involves abnormal cells that can possibly lead to cancer. I had an appointment today because she thought the full result would be in and we would be able to start a course of action. 

 The full pathology report from last week's D&C still isn't available. They are running extensive tests on it to confirm that it was a partial Mohler pregnancy and not a complete Molar pregnancy. 

My doctor is planning on it remaining a partial Molar. 

The bad news is that because my Doctor didn't know it was a Molar pregnancy prior to the D&C there is a pretty good chance that she didn't get all of the cells and tissue when she was in there. This combined with the fact that I'm still bleeding quite a bit and that my pregnancy levels are still rather high I had to have a blood test done today to see if my levels have dropped. If they have not dropped I will have to get an ultrasound to see how much tissue is left and if there is any left I will have to have another D&C. We should know the results of the blood test before the weekend. 

Because we are assuming it was a partial Molar pregnancy I will have to get my blood drawn every Wednesday until my pregnancy levels are below 10 (I was at 500 last Friday). Once I am below 10 I will have my blood drawn every month until next January. This is to make sure they got all the abnormal cells. The abnormal cells can easily turn to cancer so this is why I have to go through all of this. 

We are not allowed to try to get pregnant for at least a year. Doing so could cause cancer. If I have to have another D&C there is a good chance there will be so much scar tissue that I won't be able to have any more babies. 

A Molar pregnancy is a freak thing. It is caused by chromosomal mix up. There is nothing we could have done to prevent it. If everything stays okay this year and we do decide to try again for another baby there is a very slim chance it would happen again. 

I'm still taking Motrin 800 for pain - mainly in the evening as I'm on my feet all day. I do have permission to pick up the girls again - so that's a relief. I'm also taking Ambien at night to help me sleep. The doc said she recommended it until I make it to the monthly blood draws. She said I should start to feel more comfortable with the plan once I make it to the monthly blood draws. 

I will let you know when I hear back about today's blood test. For me, that's the big thing I'm waiting for. The Doctor said she would call as soon as she knows. Please feel free to ask anything I wasn't clear enough about. We are doing okay - still sad but getting better.

Please continue to pray for us. Not only are we dealing with the miscarriage, but now all this on top of it. Greg has been an absolute rock though the whole thing so pray for continued strength for him. Pray for me as my body is still adjusting to all the rapid changes that have happened to it. I'm also behind in my school work and have 1000 papers to grade, and I'm concerned about the upcoming test results. Pray for Jadyn - we told her about the baby but remember she's only 5. She knows something is wrong but doesn't know it. She's very clingy right now (which is fine, but also a signal that she's not herself). 

Thank you for all your facebook and blog comments. Your words have been more encouraging than you probably know. Please don't stop! I frequently read back though them when I'm having a moment. 

We are still trusting and still know that God in in control. 

Stick with me.

As most of you know by now we've had a rough few days. On Friday I went in for a routine pre-natal appointment and the doctor couldn't find our baby's heartbeat. An ultrasound confirmed the worst and we've been grieving ever since.
Tomorrow morning (7:30 am) I go in for a procedure to help my body through this difficult process. Needless to say, we are not looking forward to it and we are nervous.

But here is why I am blogging.
I have 2 things to share.

The first is this. We don't want to pretend like this baby never existed. We were lucky enough to have an early ultrasound where for about 15 minutes we got to watch the baby's heartbeat and see the baby move around. Because of this we need to acknowledge that we are the parents of 4 children. We have three here with us and one that has gone on ahead. We may not get to know the sex of the baby and even if we do we will keep it between the two of us, so we will call this baby 4. Our other kiddos are nick named by their Uncle Rod by birth order, so it only seems fitting to carry on the tradition. If and when we do decide to try again for another baby it will be our 5th.

The second thing I want to share is this: I had a come to Jesus moment tonight in the shower. We haven't been angry at God we've just been sad. Tonight I was thinking about the fact that we have other verses we've chosen for our girls - Jadyn's is Zeph 3:17, Jaycie is Mark 12:30, and Jemma is Joshua 1:9. We need a verse for baby 4. And just like that He gave it to me in a song. Shane and Shane. Psalm 145: 8-9 "The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made." 

So, with one song, many tears and a long road ahead of us here we are - understanding that the Lord is abounding in steadfast love. He is good to all. If we believe that then we have hope. 

I have one request. If you stuck with me in the blog post would you let me know either with a facebook encouragement or a comment here on the blog. Will you pray for us tomorrow and there after as we walk through these deep waters? 

If we believe that God is always in control then we have to believe He is now too.
And we do.
-Greg and Jamie

Dance Dance Revolution

Not really. But, anybody else remember how much fun that game was when it first came out? Holy moly. We played DDR every Sunday night at my parents house. My dad was a beast!

Jadyn's dance recital was this past weekend. She did a great job. Her studio did Alice and Wonderland. She was a butterfly. She said her favorite part was bows because she liked all the clapping. Seriously, who's child is this? I have several pictures because Grandpa Mel and Grandma Carmen are out of town and didn't get to see it. I wanted to make sure they saw plenty of pictures (and I sent them a video).

She was so excited her cousins came to see her!

We have a smitten Daddy at our house.

This is when she spotted me. She waved. I LOVED it. :)

See! Still looking right at me. Love her!

She made this friend during all their bows practices. They ran toward each other. So cute! I love seeing her giggle with friends.

Even after all the practices this week she was still super excited about both of her performances. She did awesome! Love my girl!

Costumes

When people ask if we celebrate Halloween, I laugh. There was much debate in the social media world this year about whether or not Christians should celebrate Halloween. I read several great points on both sides of the argument but the one that stuck out to me the most was this: "Why wouldn't I let my little princess wear her dresses outside of the house for one day of the year." I loved it!
We don't go up and down neighborhoods gathering candy. We visit a few people we know and let the girls "trick or treat" there. This year we got to help pass out candy at Uncle Rod and Aunt Kathy's house since Roddy is recovering from surgery.

Jadyn had two costumes this year. She wore one to her Awana Fall Festival party and the other one on Halloween night. Miss Gayle did Jadyn's Snow White hair in hopes she would win the costume contest. She didn't win, but she didn't even realize she didn't win - so it all worked out!

Halloween night Jadyn went as Supergirl. The little girls went as a lady bug and bumble bee. Surprisingly enough they loved wearing their costumes and left them on all night long. 

We had a blast visiting friends and wearing costumes. If Jadyn had it her way we would do this every night! :) 

Typically

Typically this is a family blog. You know, the kind where I post pics of my kiddos. Well, today I need to get a few things off my chest. Things I think many of you will agree with, some you will disagree with and mostly because I believe in "keeping it real." Oh, and I'm doing a list because my good friend, Raylene, will tell you that I do it best this way.

1. Christmas Music. I need the world to know that it's okay to listen to Christmas music now. There are some of us who happen to love this type of music and waiting until Thanksgiving doesn't give us enough time to enjoy the music. I'm not skipping thanksgiving if I start listening to Christmas music now. Don't judge me if I listen to it now. I like it. I want to listen to it. Get over it and stop being judgy (I made that word up. Just call me Shakespeare.) about it.

2. People. Sometimes people are hard. I don't get it. If we would all just do what the Lord has called us to do there just wouldn't be a problem. I have a few people in my life right now who feel the need to do the work of the Holy Spirit. Guess what. The Holy Spirit doesn't need help. The Holy Spirit is God. Get it? The Lord gives us each jobs to do. If we do those to the best of our ability we should keep busy. When we don't do those to the best of our ability we tend to mettle in other people's business and then we aren't being obedient.

3. Seasons. There is a whole lot to be said about seasons. Seasons are used for a variety of different metaphors in literature and in life. I'm going though a difficult season in life right now. For me, this would be winter. Winter is not my favorite. I am not friends with winter. This season in my life is not fun. Parts of it are. My kids? Awesome. My hubby? rock star. (Just to squelch any rumors getting ready to start up.) I just started a new Bible Study and the first lesson immediately hit home. I love it when God does that. I know that we have these rough patches in life for a reason. I know I have a God who has a plan for me. I just don't like going though the rough stuff and I look very much forward to spring. :)

4. Students. I have some pretty cool students (hi those of you who are reading!). I have "Life Lessons with Mrs. Franz" in one of my classes and it's a blast. I got to lay on the ground and pretend I was a snake today (no pictures). I have a group that is always ready to try something new and a group that I have to pull teeth to get to do something new. You know what? Every group is awesome. We have fun. We learn, we laugh, we talk about God, and we love each other (I think. Well I do, I shouldn't speak for them). It's frustrating when little things take the joy away from the students. When people get lost in the details and forget to look at the big picture. I try to ask myself every day, "Did I show them Jesus?" Some days I know I'm successful and other days I know I wasn't. I'm human? Remember I make mistakes! I make typos! Guess what? It's okay! God gets it and usually my kiddos get it too.

I think that's all. I have way more to say but the blogging world doesn't need details. Also, just to be safe, sometimes when I read people's blogs I think "Oh they must be talking about _______". Well, with the exception of #1 I am referring to multiple situations I have going on in life so don't waste your time trying to guess :)  I told you, life is crazy right now!

And just because I can: